The month of August looks completely different at B2B than every other month of the year. Most missionary families load up their cars and head "home" to do some fund raising, family visiting, and a little vacationing on the side. Gabo and I have never gone home in August. Mainly because our fund raising season seems to be later in the year, but also because we like the idea of filling in while the others are gone. Last August we were substitutes for one of the house parents, and this August we have our own house of girls to attend to. The month typically is easy. No groups, not many staff, no problems. Just a time to rest up after a busy summer.
This August was soooo different. I would say my most CHALLENGING month so far living in Mexico. I feel like I was pulled to a new level in my walk with the Lord. With so much change, (and lots of pregnancy hormones), each moment came with new trials.
Our directors left for their STINT in Ohio. One of our students had stressful legal issues to deal with. We gained two new girls. Septic tank was overflowing. Our nephew was born. One of our foster daughters failed a class for the first time ever. We got hit with a request to take full custody of one of our teenage foster daughters. A new staff arrived to an unfinished place to live. Physically having to slow down because of a growing belly. Gabo working 10 hour days. Lonliness.
We were prepared for most of these changes, but watching them play out created some anxiety for me. Gabo was glad to take on more responsibility. He works well under pressure, and serving in this ministry is what he does best. Unfortunately, most of the jobs take him out of the house and away from ministry opportunities with the girls- putting more emphasis on my role as the "house mom". I found myself in a routine of doing a lot of disciplining and very little encouraging. I would simply "get through" the day, and look foward to a day off- away from ministry. I felt like a single parent. I was functioning on my own strength, and was quickly breaking under the pressure. I tried Cherry Coke for strength, a good chick flick to help make me more loving & kind, a "venting session" with an old friend to release the bitterness built up, and even naps to give me patience. None of it worked, or at least not for long. I remained empty, frustrated, & quite lonely. Last night I found myself on my knees, with lots of tears, crying out to the Lord. I needed to know he was there. (He had been there the whole time.) He wanted to forgive me & fill me with strength, love, kindness, & patience.
"He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly. Yet
those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with
wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not
become weary." Isaiah 40:29-31.
I'm not sure why I sometimes go to Him as a last resort. I have to call upon God to renew me daily. (SEVERAL times a day at that.) The strongest people get tired at times. God's power and strength NEVER diminish. I am learning to turn to Him first.